A year and a half after “Domestic Disturbia” captivated headlines, Rihanna has spoken out about the horrific assault she suffered at the hands of her then-boyfriend, Chris Brown.
In an interview with Britain’s Marie Claire Magazine, the 22-year-old talks about her emotional state immediately after the traumatic event.
“God has a crazy way of working, and sometimes when stuff happens you feel like, ‘What did I do to deserve this?’ Why was it backfiring on me?” Rihanna
says. “I was very lost. I have to say I felt really confused. I hate talking about it but it was really crazy because I felt so out of touch with myself and when that happens it’s scary because nothing you say or do feels like it’s you.”
Reduced to tears, the singer added: “You just lose touch of everything that you love and everything that you would normally do; how you would dress or how you would say something. It just feels like it’s not coming from you. It’s just this one empty vase. I felt like an empty vessel.”
Rihanna says she considered taking Chris back, but deep down she knew she had to move forward without him.
“One day, I remember I was in New York at the Trump Hotel and I woke up and I just knew I was over it,” she told the mag. “I needed that wake-up call in my life. I needed a turning point, and that’s what God was giving to me. All [of] this terrible stuff they say to you, it breaks you down. [But] once you’re back on your feet – if you ever make it back on your feet – that’s the ultimate achievement.”
Of her new life, and her new relationship
with Dodgers baseball star Matt Kemp, Rihanna says: “I feel like I smile for real this time. The smiles come from inside, and it exudes in everything I do. The smiles come from inside, and it exudes in everything I do. People feel my energy is different. When I smile they can tell that it’s pure bliss and not just a cover up.”
When asked if she believes in “destiny,” the Barbados-born beauty responded: “Definitely. And I never did before,” Rihanna told the mag. “The most important thing is to be happy and true to yourself. I don’t want to look back at this 30 years from now and say, ‘I did it all to make them happy and I didn’t enjoy.’ I want to be able to say people loved me because of who I am.”
