Jessica Simpson Pregnant

Word on The Curb has it that Jessica Simpson is desperate to get pregnant by her boyfriend of four months, former NFL ace Eric Johnson. That is if a new scoop from the celeb gawkers at The National Enquirer is to be believed.

This sounds like an excellent plan, Jess. (A pause while Castina slaps forehead!)

“Jessica is crazy in love with Eric, so they’ve decided to make a baby. She always said she wanted to be pregnant by the time she was 30,” a chatty friend of one-half of The Singing Simpson Sister blabs in the Sept. 27 issue of the tab. “Her priorities have changed and all she can think of is motherhood,” the pal adds. “She’s happily eating for two – and she’s not in the least embarrassed.”

That’s a great reason to rush into motherhood –- a self-imposed deadline. Four months! We bet she hasn’t even farted in front of him yet and she’s already planning a baby? Girl, this just reeks of desperation. Even for Jessica. Have we learned nothing from the public relations nightmare that was The John Mayer/Dane Cook Years? And will you just take a look at the winner she’s selected to sperminated her lady parts!

On paper, former San Franciso 49er Johnson hardly seems father material. The ex-athlete was still married until earlier this year and has no job. Not that unemployment would matter to Jessica. The busty bombshell reportedly earned around $30 million last year from her clothing and shoe lines – and launched the Jessica Simpson Denim Collection at New York Fashion Week earlier this month.

(No, we don’t know who would buy that stuff either. But apparently people do. Lots of people.)

Another Simpson source spills the scoop that the star may already be with child. Not only is she already on the hunt for baby clothes and nursery decor, Jess is packing on the pounds at a rate that would make Gabourey Sidibe blush. She’s gone from 125 lbs. earlier this summer to a healthy 140.

“A pregnancy explains her sudden weight gain,” Pal No. 2 gushes. “Two months ago, she bragged she was in the best shape of her life on Eric’s vegan diet…The biggest tipoff though is that Jess has been hinting to friends that there will be some big news any day from her and Eric.”

Boy, does this chile need a healthy dose of good advice. So her goes: Jess, we implore you to think. Just think, ‘What would Papa Joe do?’ Got it? Now do the opposite.